The Sideline Haters – Who Shaves The Barber?

Rating: 2.5/5
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Released: 2015

The Sideline Haters finalBand line-up:

Florian “Jack” M. – Vocals
Allan “M-Slay” B. – Guitar
Guillaume “Wade” C. – Drums
Élodie “Ch!ng” G. – Bass


1. The Sideline Effect
2. Tasty Cull
3. Who Shaves The Barber?


Modern death metal out of Paris is what they tell us. The Sideline Haters (a name that sets all of us critics up) compiles members of Aenomy, Hyperdump and ADM, if those mean anything to anyone, into a new four-piece. Who Shaves The Barber?, perhaps a Sweeney Todd nod – certainly makes us think of that bristle butcher, is a short, sweet, let’s not tire them out, 3 track intro EP. Guitarist Allan Bravo mixed, mastered, recorded, produced the lot. It sounds pretty good too, no strong whiff of DIY job, it’s professional like.

‘The Sideline Effect’ warms things up at a gentile pace, and then it’s blast, blast, blast right across the ranks. All four members open fire and it’s a barrage of drums and riffs, with the odd six-string flourish. We can apply the same description to ‘Tasty Cull’, which opens with some short old-school movie line, which doesn’t even get to play out fully before the band jump in, too eager to wait it seems. And even ‘Who Shaves The Barber?’ opts to cut its cloth to the same pattern. Riffs, blasts, growly vocals, and no-one to shake it up.

Here’s the real kicker though, you’ll have forgotten them all by the time you reach the end. They may have kept it short but there’s no stick-in-your-brain, slit-your-throat, memorable cuts here. It’s a bit of an Emperor’s New Clothes record, people will tell you there’s something there, will will you to see it, to feel it, but it doesn’t mean there is. Sadly we’re on the sidelines with this one.

Review by Kirsty Birkett-Stubbs